Awe moment wanted
One step forward…
Actually it’s one word forward, two thoughts back… Or is it one thought forward, two words back? Actually, I don’t know. But it has been like this for a while. Thought, words, nothing. Words, thought, nothing. Nothing on paper. Nothing on the screen. All plays in the mind and the mind alone. Because when grabbing the pen to capture, in black and white, wild thoughts, the words that pour down are weird, meaningless, ugly even.
One or two words down, one or two deleted. Another pause, another thought or even the same one, rearranged, re-elaborated, and there we go again. A few more demoralizing words. Nothing seems to work. Exasperation. Disappointment…
I think I need an awe moment. Something to feed the word generator that propels the gliding pen from left to right, towing the flow of words cascading down from my mind, — the first available words as there is no time to think, only to transcribe and keep gliding from left to right — not requested nor required, just welcomed with no judgement, no censure, no filter.
It has been a while since my latest awe moment. I don’t even remember anymore when or what it was. What I remember is the sensations it created in my body and mind. Butterflies in my stomach, open mouth, big smile, a lot of “wows”... The mind devouring every single second of the occasion, sucking every little drop of pleasure and joy, of incredibility and privilege.
How I look forward to a new surreal moment like that. I can’t force it to happen, I know. It will happen sometime without my intervention. It will happen in front of me when least expected, surprising me, delighting me, overwhelming me.
These words alone awaken such sensations and serve me well.
Pictures: Magoito (Portugal); Reichswald (Germany).
